Category: status

Hard of hearing…

That’s me now.

I’ve been noticing having trouble hearing in certain situations for a few months now. I just wasn’t sure if it was in my head, or was it real. An incident a couple of months ago – R clearly heard someone while I could barely make out that they were talking – prompted me to get the hearing officially checked.

Today was the day. I had a hearing test done at the hospital, followed by an appointment with a consultant to discuss the results. It’s official – I have moderate to severe hearing loss, on higher frequencies, in both my ears. The hearing on lower frequencies is completely normal. I may also have mild tinnitus.

All in all, bad news all around.

The equal hearing loss in both ears indicates that it could not be because of a growth or deformity in one ear, and is likely genealogical. Which also means there is no cure. The hearing will continue to worsen, hopefully very slowly. She’s prescribed hearing aids for me (at 38!). I also need to go for an MRI, just so they can rule out any other possible reasons.

I don’t want hearing aids1. And I don’t want hearing loss. I went in hoping they’ll say that I have grossly dirty ears and need to clean them regularly. Not that I’m losing hearing early and need to wear hearing aids, and could even go clinically deaf if the hearing loss speeds up.

I’m scared. I’m unhappy. And the only person who makes me happy at these times2 is himself under anaesthesia, getting a growth on his head surgically removed :(

I’m very, very unhappy.

  1. NHS only provides big, behind the ear hearing aids. They do provide them free though. Or I could go private and get those tiny, barely visible in-ear ones. My preference: None >>>>>>>>>>>>> In-ear ones >>>> NHS ones. Can I have none please? :( ↩
  2. He’s also probably half the cause of my hearing loss – with his loud, high-pitch whining, and super-loud barking at the cat across the street. ↩

Sugar

Today, I ate

  • a 150g bar of Dairy Milk,
  • half a McFlurry with cookie crumble,
  • three chocolate chip brioche swirls, and
  • two Cornetto cones.

These may constitute ¾th of my total calories today. All sugar. All crap. All I crave, and then hate 1.

No más azúcar. ¡Por favor!

  1. Except Dairy milk. I never hate dairy milk. I should eat less of it, but can’t hate it. ↩

81.9

That was my weight today morning – 81.9 Kg.

12 days ago it was 78.2 Kg.

That’s 12 days with injured ankles.
12 days without walking my dogs.
12 days without any exercise. No swimming, no yoga, no pilates, no cycling, and definitely no running.
12 days of over eating and sugar overdosing.
12 days of watching an unhealthy amount of TV.
12 days of not speaking to parents or friends.
Also, almost 12 days of awaiting a regret email.

12 days of being physically and emotionally crippled. 12 days of fighting, and not always winning, a battle with creeping depression.

The weight gain is just a symptom.

Continue reading 81.9

Getting stronger…

It didn’t rain today. Mostly. There were passing showers throughout the day, but nothing stuck around long enough.

Spoke to Ma. It was a long chat, and a generally happy one. It was nice to hear her sound cheerful, after 5+ years of sleep deprivation & tiredness, and a few weeks of crying, loss and loneliness.

We went for a run. I ran 7K on the road – to the cathedral and back up – and then took the boys for a lap on the ridge (~3K). It was better than yesterday’s run – legs felt better, faster. Felt a tiny bit stronger.

Continue reading Getting stronger…