Is it melancholy?

Second night of insomnia and anxiety. Too much change. Missing Maisie. Missing Bruno. Missing my daffodils at bottom of the drive flower bed. Missing my chocolate and chili begonias. Missing my house number sign. Missing my rustic, old but trusty, clay brick driveway. Missing the beloved, if aged, civic. Missing parents. Missing an India I wanted to go back to. Missing the old house. Missing dad’s shop. Missing Bombay. Missing Goa.

Not liking the new India. Not liking parents’ new neighbourhood. Not liking the new car’s blazing red colour. Not liking the scope creeping driveway contractor. Not liking suppressing suggestions and feedback at work to keep the peace.

Not happy that it’s too hot for a duvet and too cold for no duvet. Not happy about my weight. Not happy about the lack of running. Not happy about all the chocolate. Not happy that I haven’t worked on my apps in months. Not happy that I’ve been watching too much TV, and reading too little.

Five checkmark day


It was a better week on the personal front. Ran twice, first runs in 2021. Mediated once, first in 2021. Cajoled R into making a decision on the car, one way or the other. Rested and read. Slipped a bit on the sleep front, made up a bit today.

The black spot was the weight. Recorded a high weight of 91.3kg, and a high weekly average of 90.8kg.

Terrible sleep

Kept drifting in and out of sleep most of the night. There are numerous moments through the night that I remember being uncomfortably awake in. There are also lots of blank spaces between those moments, so I was likely asleep then. It was all too discomforting. I don’t feel mentally rested at all.

It may have been the heat. It could also have been the larger than usual amount of caffeine I had—2 coffees and a Coke zero. The late ice cream and then lounging on the sofa may also have added to it. Latent anxiety and regret from an interview earlier in the day may have lent a hand as well. Though I feel that a combination of the first two was likely mostly responsible.
(It didn’t help that Bruno went and spread out in front of the fan, blocking any air from reaching me!)

Anyway, now I’m wasting time writing this note while waiting for coffee to hit the head so I can start working :/