I’m scared

I’m scared for me. I’m going out for a longer hike today. It’s expected to be warm. Both the peaks and the final gill descent are rocky/bouldery.

I’m not sure whether I’m strong enough yet. And on the last similar long hike that I did, I ran out of water and struggled with the last descent in dehydration.

I’m scared for my boy. He’s not been well. He’s visibly sluggish. He hasn’t enjoyed the lakes like he used to. He sticks to me when he’s in this state, but I won’t be around today.

I’m scared for R. She has to manage the boy and my mom today. Mom switches between dumb and forgetful, and scheming and pigheaded. She’s a handful even when I’m around. R will have to manage her alone today. While also taking care of my boy.

Continue reading I’m scared

Long weekend diary

Thursday evening

Bought and brought P’s new car home — a Tucson. It’s full of jazz and gadgets, but the lack of acceleration is a major bummer, especially after getting used to the Leaf.

Good Friday


Started the day with gardening. Potted the last two hydrangeas, three new mums, a bougainville, and a huechera – all nearly dead from thirst.
Deadheaded some daffodils, and watered all the pots.

Took the boys for a short walk, then drove to Coventry to see parents and sister. First long drive in P’s car. Acceleration is still totally crap, but it really comes into form on the motorways.

Spent the evening with family, including a trip to the pub.

Saturday

Dad and Chewie hugging
Dad and Chewie getting going

Lots of lazying around, and gorging on great food. Bit of shopping for Indian groceries. Some tidying up in Sis’ garden. Liverpool v City on the TV. Drive back home, with a bonus passenger – dad came along to spend the week with Chewie.

Easter Sunday


Bit of gardening – prepared a new basket, trimmed and topped up an old one, another attempt at getting a plant going in the fixed semi container. The mums and huechera that I potted and watered on Thursday were looking sprightly already.

Went swimming. Visited R’s friends, 3A+S. Was real fun to meet the two kids. Didn’t get to speak to A much.

Back holiday Monday

Morning of bit more gardening. Affixed the hanger for new basket. Watered the baskets and container, and the pelargoniums that spent the winter in the conservatory. Added support to two Clematis.

Cooked English breakfast for all. For lunch.

Went for a long walk in the Chantry woods with dad and the boys. Bluebells all around!

My parents are coming!

In my head, I’m dancing around on the streets, hugging random people, shouting out loud, “My parents are coming! My parents are coming!”

Been four years since I last met them in person. About bloody time! I’m going dancing in the streets…

Tick. Tock.

Score hit 1600 on one page. Up.

Another proposal rejected, apparently withouta second read, by a team marketing solution for second reads. Down.

Spoke to ma pa for nearly 90 minutes. Up.

Had a short, 5-minute angry rant midway. Down.

Rested all day and stretched twice. Up.

Legs are still stiff and hurting, with 10 miles on the training plan tomorrow. Down.

Played and snuggled with boy. Up.

Lying alone on the sofa thinking bad thoughts, when I should be asleep. Down.

Weekend

Sis was here. After months of radio silence, she suddenly made an appearance for Rakhi. I wasn’t happy at first about this visit. I prefer normal, friendly relations year round rather than the tamasha of happy relations for a festival. She, and most of my family, prefer friendly appearances at festivals irrespective of relations—good, bad or non-existent—rest of the year.

On R’s suggestion, I tried ignoring the ‘Rakhi’ aspect of the visit. Once I ignored that, I could accept the visit as a rare visit from my sister, and enjoy that for what it is. Helpful advice. By the end of the visit, I was quite happy about her visit. I even wished that she visited more often.

Aside: Sis also brought gifts for Rakhi, two polo tees in a Selfridges bag. Most people who know me a bit know that I hate exchanging gifts. My sis seems to have fallen in my mom’s camp here—she’ll exchange gifts for her own prestige irrespective of what the other person thinks.

Barnaby was here. He’s an 1.5 year old Golden Retriever pup. Like any puppy, he’s hyper and restless. Like most dogs, he loves being touched. He’ll place himself next to any human who’s giving him rubs, and then refuse to let them stop. Unlike most retrievers, he’s not very interested in food. He’s not very well trained. He doesn’t understand some common commands—down, leave, wait. Like a puppy, he’s moody about obeying the ones he doesn understand—come here and sit.

One thing that I really liked about him is that, unlike Chewie and Dudley, he doesn’t make any noise. I heard him twice in the 26 hours that he was here—once when he locked himself out in the backyard, and another time at night when he heard something outside. Otherwise, there wasn’t a sound out of him. Chewie, on the other hand, barks often and talks a lot. Dudley mumbles and groans to let everyone know his feelings. Barnaby was pleasantly quiet. (But I’m still planning to cancel his week-long stay over the year-end holidays).

I learnt fat != unfit. My sister is fat. Too fat for my liking. Yet, I observed on multiple occasions that she isn’t very unfit. Not at all as unfit as her looks would suggest. The first instance where I noticed this was when she got on the wobble board. It was her first time and she managed almost 2 minutes. Amit and S haven’t managed that long yet. I’m not sure even R has. But she did. Another time was when I took the three kids out on the walk. It was a brisk short walk, but she was able to keep up with us most of the way without getting out of breath. She isn’t very flexible, can’t really squat, and has many many other health issues. But it was comforting to know that at least she’s fitter than she looks.

I didn’t run. Chewie was unwell on Friday night. I had to stay up with him for almost an hour. As a result, I couldn’t wake up in the morning for Parkrun. A mix of things—unexpected rain, Barnaby’s arrival, my laziness, and my discovery and addiction with Expanse meant that I didn’t run during the day either. R was out all Sunday, and sudden, surprise showers closed the morning run window. Result: I didn’t run on Sunday either. Instead, I did the thing I hate: I binge watched The Expanse.

I threw away the weekend to binge-watching Expanse. I saw the S01E01 on Friday evening. By the time I finally slept on Sunday night (after 1 AM), I was at S02E08. The first thing I did today was to delete the Prime Video app from my phone.

I didn’t do any of the planned house work. The tap hole in kitchen top stays unfixed. The ivy from the side fence still needs to be removed. The kitchen oven is still to be cleaned. I started, but abandoned midway, the monthly cleaning of the utility room.

The tinnitus has been bad for a few days now. It’s been wrecking my head and hearing since at least middle of the last week, but it really peaked on Friday and Saturday.

It was a horrible weekend in most aspects. The one thing I was not happy about before it started—sis visiting—turned out to be the one small bright spot.