On giving a fuck

I did a taster read of Mark Manson’s book on not giving a fuck. In the first chapter he goes on about how people give too many fucks and become overwhelmed and unhappy, or give no fucks and become uncaring assholes.

I thought about it on Chewie’s morning walk.

Sure there are people who fall in one of those two catagories—too many fucks given and not enough fucks given. But I don’t think most people fall in either of these. Most people give just the right the amount of fucks that they can afford/handle.

The problem isn’t with how many fucks we give, but what do we give a fuck about.

Often the choice is between giving a fuck about things/people that are

  • important but hard to satisfy, and
  • easy to satisfy but peripheral

In such a choice, easy wins most times. And that’s what causes the unhappiness.

As an individual choice, giving a fuck for something easy results in an easy win, and provides a nice emotional boost. But when the life becomes full of too many easy wins, and none of the important ones, that’s when the trouble starts. That’s when the heart starts hating even the wins. That’s what leads to the unhappiness.

[ Perhaps the book will move on to this distinction. After all I’ve just rushed through the first chapter for now :) ]

Continue reading On giving a fuck

Letting go..

There’s no trying new things without letting some things go.

There’s no new life, if there’s no death.

There’s no bandwidth to explore new books, genres, TV shows, people, if we’re not ready to abandon the ones that turn stale, or we grow out of, or finished.

Bandwidth is finite. Cognitivo capacity is finite. Time is finite.

A core constraint on growing, changing, exploring, is our reluctance to let go of some of what we have and are.

Create space by letting some mediocre stuff go. Then fill it with something new, untested, unusual. If it fits, great. If it doesn’t, chuck it and try again. Something new, untested, unusual.

No group chats

That’s the new rule I’m trying to follow.

People are different. Some like being at the center of the widest possible social circle, others just like to keep up with a big social circle. And some, like me, prefer fewer but deeper social connections.

Group chat, like much of social media, is designed for the first two groups. Not just because they’re the heaviest, most reliable users. But also because number of connections (or followers, friends, or people in groups) is an easy metric to calculate and promote.

Depth of those connections is not such an easy metric to devise. And it is naturally capped. It’s hard to have real deep connections with more than a handful of people.

As I continue to clear the noise in my life, this is one more area where I’m making changes. I want a handful of deep connections, and reduce the noise from the many.  Continue reading No group chats

Be a pal, not a dick.

I don’t need sympathy or special consideration because, ultimately, who cares? You hate me, and I hate me, too. We are on the same team. I guess what I’m saying is that maybe we could all just mind our own fucking business for once, and that when you can actually see a person’s scars, maybe be a pal and don’t pick at them.

Samantha Irby, in ‘We are never meeting in real life’

Languages that I …

… want my imaginary kids to learn.

English
French/German
Hindi
Mandarin
Spanish
Arabic
German/French
Swahili
Punjabi
Tamil

In a globalising, automating world, a personal connect – the soft skills – will rise in value. There are few better ways to enhance your value, and the value of your experience than know the language of the people1.

Continue reading Languages that I …

Police. People.

Look, we’re wired differently.

We run towards gunfire.
We drink when we’re sad.
We screw when we’re mad.

And people hate us,
until they need us.

And I hate that.
But I love it, too.

We walk a higher path.
It’s not simple.
It’s very hard.

And that is why,
people will always need us.

– Detective Misty Knight, in Luke Cage S01E09