Month: March 2018

Today, I…

  • Watched three, maybe four episodes of Grey’s Anatomy
  • Finished off a book that I didn’t want to finish (I liked it a lot, didn’t want it to end)
  • Cried quietly inside after the book finished
  • Didn’t run, swim, or go for pilates
  • Cursed the rain, and asked it to stop. I always loved rain.
  • Didn’t have any coffee, Coke zero, peanut butter, or milk chocolate. 3 days now!
  • Didn’t watch any news, or visit any news websites. Many days going.
  • Went for a short walk, on a muddy, steep trail, in the dark, at 21:30. Because I needed to keep my ‘floors climbed’ streak going.
  • Tentatively explored a new project.
  • Missed my grandmom. And my childhood, in that home.
  • Am unable to sleep because of a mix of emotions – anxiety, sadness, uncertainty, melancholy.
  • Didn’t meditate.
  • Didn’t call home. Overdue by 2 days. Didn’t call sister. Overdue by 3 weeks. Didn’t call a friend. Overdue by 7 weeks.

Won a small, hard, mental battle.. with myself

I didn’t have any coffee or Coke zero today. My caffeine consumption today was limited to one mug of tea.

I didn’t have any peanut butter today.

I didn’t have any milk chocolate today. I did have 4 squares of Lindt’s 90% dark chocolate.

It’s been hard.

I’m addicted to these three things. I usually have at least 2 mugs of coffee, and at least 1 can of Coke zero a day. Usually more. I’ve been finishing a 600g jar of peanut butter a week for last two months. And twice in the last week, I’ve had 3 bars[^1] of Dairy milk in a single 24 hour slot.

It was hard staying without them all day. It was harder knowing that most of them were within easy reach – I had all of them except the chocolate stocked at home.

I’ve succeeded, so far. I’ve also paid for the success. Fighting the lure of these addictions had a toll on my mental capacity. I didn’t go for the run. I spent most of the day reading, or listening to music and podcasts. It was a very unproductive day. But so have been many recently. At least today I got to have a little success starting away from the addictions.

Tomorrow’s another day.

No News TV

R is away for a few days, and I’m itching to try some changes.

My preferred change is to get rid of the mobile phone. I left it at home for the Corsica vacation last year, and it turned out to be amazing. However, with R away, I need to be reachable, so can’t completely get rid of the phone.

Another thought was to stay off of watching TV (including videos on mobile/laptop). I did that, semi-successfully, for the last quarter of 2017, and quite enjoyed it. However, this is the season of my favourite cycling races, the spring classics, and I really don’t want to miss them. (I just bought a Eurosport player subscription so I can watch the spring classics!)

I could give up social media, but it wouldn’t count as much of a change. I’m not on Facebook. I’ve restricted Twitter to Tweetdeck on desktop, so only use for specific posts/responses, no reading. I do check Instagram a few times a day, but it isn’t a sink hole of links and debates. Strava barely counts as a social media.

So far I’ve only found one thing I can drop. It’s small, but it may help achieve some calm: give up on the 24 hour news cycle1.

  1. I won’t be watching news channels on TV. BBC and CNN are bulk of my non-Eurosport TV diet2.
  2. I won’t check news on mobile. I check techmeme and Google news probably half a dozen times a day, each.
  3. I will stay off (reading updates on) Twitter.
  4. I will continue to read the 2 daily newsletters I subscribe to – Quartz and Economist Espresso.
  5. I will continue to read the weekly issue of The Economist.

I have a feeling tomorrow will be hard, given my addiction to news TV, techmeme and Google news. I also have a feeling that, once I’m over the withdrawal symptoms, this may help me achieve a bit more calm.

  1. The inspiration ↩
  2. I usually switch on the TV to BBC or CNN while eating lunch, and watch it till I finish the post lunch coffee. Ditto for dinner. Unless R has already switched on the PS3, to watch Grey’s anatomy on Amazon prime. ↩

Happy(ier)

10 mins of calm, yesterday.

An easy 10K run in beautiful snow.

A very well behaved Chewie on, and since, the run.

Nibali’s thrilling attack for the win at Milan San Remo.1

Ireland’s domineering win at England, completing the 6 nations grand slam.

Simple things.

  1. I’ll remember this win for a while. It’s one of those things that brings an easy, deep smile. ↩

Angry

Didn’t work, or workout all day. Started it in happy, high-energy mode, but blew it.

No swimming, pilates or yoga this week. Not much stretching today either.

Need to meditate to get my head at peace. Haven’t. In weeks.

Forgot to take the torch for evening walk. Chewie went barking at some guy walking in the arboretum. By the time I got him under control, Dudley went off to the guy, who was already rattled.

I hate loud noises. Chewie’s bark is really loud. I had to scold him, badly. All bad for my mental peace.

In all the chaos, I also dropped my phone. The screen protector is in bits now, but at least it saved the screen.

Then, my favourite bluetooth headphones stopped working. I couldn’t listen to any podcasts on the walk.

Next, Dudley tore off Chewie’s lighted collar. I saw that, so picked up the collar, but lost a battery. Since I had forgotten the torch, I had to use phone flash light to look for it. Took a bit.

Dudley got a bit of a scolding. I hate scolding. I hate loud voices, including my own. Not good for my mental peace.

I want to get some things done – things to do with work, with new work, with money, with parents, with us, and more. I’m not doing anything.

I’m angry. Just angry. I need to run.

P.S.: I hate the new George O’Malley