Is it melancholy?

Second night of insomnia and anxiety. Too much change. Missing Maisie. Missing Bruno. Missing my daffodils at bottom of the drive flower bed. Missing my chocolate and chili begonias. Missing my house number sign. Missing my rustic, old but trusty, clay brick driveway. Missing the beloved, if aged, civic. Missing parents. Missing an India I wanted to go back to. Missing the old house. Missing dad’s shop. Missing Bombay. Missing Goa.

Not liking the new India. Not liking parents’ new neighbourhood. Not liking the new car’s blazing red colour. Not liking the scope creeping driveway contractor. Not liking suppressing suggestions and feedback at work to keep the peace.

Not happy that it’s too hot for a duvet and too cold for no duvet. Not happy about my weight. Not happy about the lack of running. Not happy about all the chocolate. Not happy that I haven’t worked on my apps in months. Not happy that I’ve been watching too much TV, and reading too little.

Cascade

Three weeks ago Sophie gave a shout-out, on work chat, about a good yoga session by Rob.

Curious about the session, and missing my regular yoga classes, I attended Rob’s yoga session the next week. It was very good, and not too hard. I really enjoyed it.

By the end of the session, I also knew how bad a shape I’m in. Two years ago, a session like this would have been just a good warm-up for me.

Inspired by that one session, and disappointed by my fitness, I added short yoga/pilates sessions to my post walk routine. Nothing special. Found a few simple 15-20 mins videos on YouTube, and committed to working out with one after the noon walk everyday.

The semi regular yoga triggered the meditation feels in me. So, this week I started by doing my first meditation session of 2021.

The second yoga session with Rob, and a week of post walk yoga and pilates made the legs ache slightly. It was a mild, sweet pain. It brought back fond memories of the sweet doms pain after running. So, twice this week, I dusted off the running shoes and got going. First runs of 2021.

And that’s how the good stuff cascaded, from a simple shout-out about yoga by Sophie to regular yoga, some meditation and a bit of running. Here’s hoping it keeps cascading…

Five checkmark day


It was a better week on the personal front. Ran twice, first runs in 2021. Mediated once, first in 2021. Cajoled R into making a decision on the car, one way or the other. Rested and read. Slipped a bit on the sleep front, made up a bit today.

The black spot was the weight. Recorded a high weight of 91.3kg, and a high weekly average of 90.8kg.

First run

Last night I went for my first run in 2021. First run since early December.

It was a pleasant surprise how easy it all was. The body still remembers how to run. It just took over effortlessly, tapping away at 180bpm. Sure, I’ve lost a fair bit of fitness. The HR was higher than it should’ve been; though steady not spiking. The pace was deliberately slow; though I finished with 100m of pleasant strides. The posture was good, mostly tall, slight rounding in lower back, lifting knees, and on the forefoot.

It was good. It felt good. I’m happy.

Continue reading First run

Spoke too much

4 days off, and on my second day back I’m already struggling.

It was a Wednesday, the day of meetings. And I spoke in all of them, often about tangents1. Then I spent the evening fretting about speaking too much about things I shouldn’t be talking about.

Tomorrow is Thursday, the day of zero meetings. Target is to not speak to anyone about anything. Stretch target is to only speak to a couple of people about just the work I’m doing tomorrow.

I should just get Pam to jinx me2.

Continue reading Spoke too much

Me, here, now.

Work

I’m a developer now. After years of developing apps and extensions on the side, I joined as a full time Android developer last November. It’s been an interesting change, and it’ll be an interesting experiment — turning a hobby into a profession. Based on the little experience so far, there’s going to be a fine balance—learning and doing what I love vs the challenges (and learning) of working with some people.

Running

I haven’t run since early December. More than two months. I wasn’t running much before that either, not after September. Hamstring and ankle were acting up last year. That’s just one excuse. I’ve gained a lot of weight (+13Kg, Dec ’19- Dec ’20), and it puts more stress on joints. I started a new career, and started working longer hours with fewer breaks. My favourite running buddy is growing old and getting past the age for running. Bruno left us, and I was depressed about it. I’ve got plenty of excuses, no runs. I could do with a friend, and a run. Or just a Parkrun.

Gardening

I took a few cuttings last autumn. Most have survived and taken root. Some have really thrived. A few died. I planted a bunch more of tulips and hyacinths. Finally trimmed back the apple tree and roses after a couple of years. The daffodils buds are starting to appear. First crocus have flowered. I’m looking forward to spring. I’m looking forward to another summer of getting hands dirty in the garden.

Reading

Reading took a back seat in second half of last year. Probably an effect of too many good books in the first half raising expectations. I finally picked back up over December holidays, and have been keeping it going this year. I’m always up for reading recommendations, so please send me any and all.

French

Duolingo can now understand my pronunciation of most French words and phrases. I’m barely past the beginner level, but still at it. I might even say that I’m starting to enjoy the language. Finding a few good French series on Netflix has also helped keep the interest alive. If only the Paris marathon didn’t get cancelled last year :(

Personal apps & projects

I haven’t updated any of my apps and extensions since I started this job. It’s been hard to motivate myself to code more after spending hours coding in the day job. It’s hurting.

Google ended support for subscriptions in Chrome extensions earlier this year. I didn’t update the extensions; I’ve lost all paying subscribers, and they may have lost access to premium features. Dropbox is making a breaking change to their API/SDK again. I’ve got a few months to update both Todo.txt apps, or they’ll stop working for a bunch of users. I want to make some important and useful changes to a few other apps as well. The backlog is growing. And it is fuelling a latent frustration inside me, with myself.

Head & heart

Keep missing meeting parents. (And occasionally getting pissed at them). Don’t have kids, or any prospects. Chewie is growing old. Bruno was taken away. Dudley visits less often because his family are home all the time. Haven’t been outside Guildford, forget a vacation, in a long time. The learning curve at work is flattening, and people issues starting to crop up. I’m not running. I haven’t heard from a few friends in a while. I can’t go swimming. I’m still in debt. I’m not meditating. I’m way overweight and unfit.

I’m not sad, but I’m not happy. That is sad.

Continue reading Me, here, now.