Over summer weekends, I go and spend a few hours every day on a bench on a less used path below the castle. I read, rest, and just be.
Opposite the bench was a beautiful tree with red leaves. I loved laying under the tree’s beautiful red canopy. It was great for my head and heart. It was my favourite place to be when I wasn’t working or with Chewie.
I went to castle grounds today for the first time in a couple of months. It was a beautiful, if chilly, day and I wanted to spend some time in the quiet with my tree.
The tree is missing. All that is left is a stump. They cut down my big, beautiful friendly, red tree 😭
I’m on holiday, a staycation, this week. It’s also a big week at work. This thing I’ve worked on for the last year is expected to start rolling out. It’s been hard to disconnect.
First I uninstalled the app from both devices. I’m on an internal release track, and every app update triggered anxiety about whether things had gone out, whether things were still working.
Next deleted the Slack app. We don’t use it at work, but I was on ASG and KS on it, and they’re work peripheral.
Just now, uninstalled phanpy from both devices. It’s the gateway to androiddev.social, which, like ASG Slack, is work peripheral.
I’m finally starting to feel disconnected. The exercise was a reminder of the number of anxiety triggers I have on the two devices. Valuable learning and networking resources, yes. But also anxiety triggers.
Update: Another disconnection – signed out from personal GitHub account in the browser.
I’m scared for me. I’m going out for a longer hike today. It’s expected to be warm. Both the peaks and the final gill descent are rocky/bouldery.
I’m not sure whether I’m strong enough yet. And on the last similar long hike that I did, I ran out of water and struggled with the last descent in dehydration.
I’m scared for my boy. He’s not been well. He’s visibly sluggish. He hasn’t enjoyed the lakes like he used to. He sticks to me when he’s in this state, but I won’t be around today.
I’m scared for R. She has to manage the boy and my mom today. Mom switches between dumb and forgetful, and scheming and pigheaded. She’s a handful even when I’m around. R will have to manage her alone today. While also taking care of my boy.
“You actually have to like the country in which you live, and want to make it better, in order for the public to want to back you. Harking back to a golden age, with a wish-list of policies that are completely absurd in a modern, developed nation, is for the birds.”