A hard thing

I didn’t realise it’d be this hard. I didn’t realise it needed courage. I didn’t realise it’ll cause even more anxiety.

I didn’t realise notifying bad behaviour, and asking for help could be this hard. It was harder than ignoring or living with bad behaviour, which I’ve done in the past. It was way harder than fighting back, which I’ve done too often in the past.

I had strong support from R all the way1. I knew they were in the wrong. I knew if there’s retribution, it’s a cost I’m willing and able to pay.

Still, it was hard. Shit scary hard.

It’s not over, yet. There may still be retribution. There may still be slow, silent sidelining. There may already be damage to my reputation and relationships. And the behaviour may still return.

At least I can now say I didn’t take it quietly, nor did I turn into an aggressive a-hole myself.

  1. She wanted me to report them a month ago. In hindsight, I should have. Because I reported it now, after another particularly bad incident, this incident appears to being treated as a first, hopefully a one-off incident. Should’ve listened to the woman!